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[sticky post] just FYI.

Apr. 6th, 2012 | 11:23 am
mood: not ready to make nice
music: http://tinyurl.com/yz3vskx

http://www.emotionalcompetency.com/apology.htm

So here's my stalker policy (you know who you are)

There are people in this world with whom I have bad history (shocking, I know. I'm so lovely and kind and easy to get along with. But it happens, unfortunately.)

Those people are not people I wish to see or speak with, and I'm pretty sure they feel the same about me.Read more...Collapse )

"Have a nice life," as someone once said.

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Who is living rent-free in my head?

Aug. 20th, 2015 | 11:29 pm

Today's thought from Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:



That's what happens when you're angry at people. You make them part of your life.

--Garrison Keillor




Our problems with anger and our problems in relationships go hand in hand. Some of us have held back our anger, which led to resentment of our loved ones. Some of us have indulged our anger and become abusive. Some of us have been so frightened of anger that we closed off the dialogue in our relationships when angry feelings came out.



Some of us have wasted our energy by focusing anger on people who weren't really important to us. Do we truly want them to become so important? Yet, perhaps the important relationships got frozen because we weren't open and respectful with our anger. It isn't possible to be close to someone without being angry at times. We let our loved ones be part of our lives by feeling our anger when it is there and expressing it openly, directly, and respectfully to them - or by hearing them when they are angry. Then, with dialogue, we can let it go.



I will be aware of those people I am making important in my life and will grow in dealing with my anger.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

Touchstones ©1986, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

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Today's gift

Aug. 14th, 2015 | 06:21 pm

Stop expecting too much from yourself.

--Anonymous




When there is too wide a gap between standards we set for ourselves and our actual achievement, unhappiness follows. If we can't improve the performance, we should lower the demands. When we are true to ourselves, we come to expect only that which we are capable of doing. As we grow each day in recovery, we are able to do more.



What we expect from ourselves can change the next day. It is very important that through our meetings and conversations with fellow members, we keep close tabs on our development. We find out that life is for living, and it is better lived when we do our assignments every day.



We are really never given more than we can do. As long as we have realistic goals, we will be given what we need to succeed.



Today I'll remember that when my expectations are too high, I get stuck and down on myself.

You are reading from the book:

Easy Does It by Anonymous

Easy Does It © 1999 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

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This reminds me of people I've known.

Jul. 16th, 2015 | 09:46 pm
mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
music: Depeche Mode - Policy of Truth

& the person I try very hard not to be. EVER.



A Narcissist’s Love Letter



When I say I’m in love with you, I mean I love the way I feel when I’m with you. I love myself through you. I love seeing myself through your eyes. I love seeing myself through my eyes imagining how I look through your eyes. I love having someone new to tell my stories to, to express my opinions, and to share my profound theories and beliefs about the important things in life. I love hearing myself say these things as I imagine how they sound to you, and how enthralled with me I imagine you are.


When I say I’m in love with you, I love having someone beautiful to wear, like a new outfit. I love the way you feel on me. I love the way I feel about me when you are with me.


When I say I’m in love with you, I love not being alone. I love not being that tree falling in the forest. I love having a full-time, personal audience.


When I say I’m in love with you I mean I love being your mystery, your riddle, being what keeps you up at night, your obsession. I love being your altar, your sacrament, your icon, your miracle. I love being your answer. I love being the object of your sacrifice. I love being your pain.


When I say I’m in love with you, I mean I’m in love with being your sun, monopolizing your orbit, being your gravity, keeping you drawn back to me no matter how hard you try to jump or fly, keeping you down. Keeping you mine.


When I say I’m in love with you, I mean I’m in love with breathing your air, sucking your blood, eating your dreams. I’m in love with being your drug, your dagger, your suicide note.


When I say I’m in love with you, I mean I love the story I can tell to my next lover, about my ex-lover, about how beautiful things were, how intense, how storybook, what a couple we were, and how you gradually, inexplicably, painfully, bit by bit, disappeared.

from: http://letmereach.com/2014/02/08/the-real-reason-the-narcissist-comes-back-after-no-contact/

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Today's gift:

Jul. 16th, 2015 | 09:28 pm

Today's thought from Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:



Is there any stab as deep as wondering where and how much you failed those you loved?

--Florida Scott Maxwell




Treating our loved ones as we hope to be treated is our assurance against failing them. And if we listen to our inner voice, we'll never falter in our actions toward others. There is always a right behavior, a thoughtful response, and a respectful posture.



Let us be mindful that we're sharing our experiences with others who need the talents we have to offer. It's not by coincidence but by design that we're given opportunities to treat those close at hand in some manner. We'd do well to let the choice be loving.



How we treat another invites like treatment. Actions from our heart will soften our own struggles. Also, spiteful, critical treatment of others will hamper our steps. We teach others how to treat us by our gestures and words.



The inner voice can be heard if I choose to listen. It will never guide me wrongly.

You are reading from the book:

The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg

The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey & Martha Vanceburg. © 1983, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

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Today's gift:

Jul. 10th, 2015 | 10:21 pm

Today's thought from Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:



To give and to receive are one in truth.

--A Course in Miracles




Giving our love away, honoring someone in need by giving our full attention, will usually bring kindness and concern in return. And unkindness and neglect on our part are likely to result in the same from others. We will usually elicit that which we've so thoughtfully or thoughtlessly given.



Not many elements in our life are so fully in our control as how we choose to treat other people. There are few among us who aren't moved by another's expression of pure, unconditional love. We are humbled by it and feel valued. We can honor the existence of our fellow travelers by our open, willing love for them too.



We need to feel appreciated. And yet, to express appreciation is such a simple act, one that has profound effects for all concerned. Acts of kindness multiply very quickly; we contribute to a world favoring our true humanity when we give out loving thoughts even as we receive them.



I will extend the hand of love to a friend today and thus help to make a better world.

You are reading from the book:

In God's Care by Karen Casey

In God's Care by Karen Casey. © 1991 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

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Today's gift:

Jul. 4th, 2015 | 05:34 pm

Today's thought from Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:



Doing nothing, that hurts you.

--John Arnold




Doing nothing as a steady diet would wear thin after a while, but doing nothing once in a while is good therapy. We need to let our minds and bodies rest. Being always booked for an activity gives us too little time for reflection about our lives. We have come a long way. Taking the time to appreciate that during our quiet spaces will enhance our self-perception.



Not a one of us has had an unsuccessful life. We may not have accomplished every goal we've set for ourselves but we can believe that we did what really needed to be done by us. There has been a divine plan at work even though we were unaware of it. The same continues to be true. We will be nudged to pursue hobbies or volunteer activities or jobs if that's the plan for us. This certainly takes the guesswork out of our lives. It makes us know we are pretty special, too.



I'll do whatever calls to me today. As long as it's not something that will hurt another person, it will be right.

You are reading from the book:

Keepers of the Wisdom by Karen Casey

Keepers of the Wisdom © 1996 by Karen Casey. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

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Todays Gift

Jun. 9th, 2015 | 09:23 pm
music: Gregorian - Boulevard of Broken Dreams | Powered by Last.fm

Today's thought from Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is:


Attitudes and Limitations



What we consider our greatest strengths can also be our greatest weaknesses.



Excessive pride in "being able to handle everything," for example, may result in our taking on other people's responsibilities. In "taking over," we often lessen another's desire to meet his or her own obligations.



A boastful "I'll do it myself!" attitude can also mask a desperate feeling of inadequacy. Having a constant drive to prove our worth to others, we may trample on, or ignore, the needs of those around us who are just as eager to exhibit their competency and worth.



What are some other examples of virtues becoming vices?



Determination, to excess, becomes obstinacy and stubbornness. Honesty, when misdirected, is synonymous with gossip and slander. Sympathy and concern, overdone, can cripple and smother.



TODAY I will make a list of ten of my strengths and weaknesses. How has acting on each of these virtues and vices created joy or sorrow in my life? I will be aware that my strengths can be my worst enemies if I abuse them.

You are reading from the book:

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes

The Reflecting Pond by Liane Cordes. © 1981 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

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Today's gift

Jun. 8th, 2015 | 03:49 pm

...setting aside our carefulness with each other...



If we cannot tolerate our mistakes, we will never be able to move on from this place. If we do not step up to the plate with bat in hand, we will grow old without knowing what first base is like.



Life is a risk. A committed relationship is a risk. Letting ourselves go, voicing opinions, telling our deepest feelings, playing frivolously at the park, setting aside our carefulness with each other and sometimes falling flat on our faces -- all these things give us the pleasure of being alive. If we insist on playing it safe, then we never feel the thrill of the game. Our lives with each other become flat and empty if we do not take some risks. We have a right to be weak as well as strong; a right to be respected when we feel silly as much as when we appear dignified; a right to say what we believe even if it is half-baked. The greatest mistake is never to engage life.



Think of one thing you would like to do with your partner if you could set aside all judgments and evaluations.

You are reading from the book:

The More We Find In Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum

The More We Find in Each Other by Merle Fossum and Mavis Fossum. © 1992 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

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Today's gift

Jun. 7th, 2015 | 01:15 pm
music: Type O Negative - I Don't Wanna Be Me | Powered by Last.fm

Healing the Past

We hear much about the long term effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family. Many alcoholics, in fact, have bitter memories of their own parents’ drinking and may feel this caused needless deprivation and misery.

Whether our families were dysfunctional or not, we must agree that most of our parents did the best they could. We cannot bring back the past – nor can they – and it is best released, forgiven, and forgotten. Our wisest course is to use the tools of the program to reach the maturity and well-being that will bring happiness into our own lives. This will not happen, however, if we believe that growing up in a dysfunctional home has left us permanently impaired.

In our fellowship, we can find endless examples of people who used the Twelve Steps to overcome all kinds of emotional and physical disabilities. Just when we start thinking something in our past is a permanent handicap, we meet other people who survived the same bitter experiences and are living life to the fullest. They’ve cleared away the wreckage of their past in order to build wisely for the future.

I’ll remember today that I am not bound or limited by anything that was ever done or said to me. I face the day with self-confidence and a sense of expectancy, knowing that I am really a fortunate person with many reasons to be grateful.

You are reading from the book:

Walk in Dry Places by Mel B.

Walk in Dry Places by Mel B. © 1996 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of Hazelden.

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